I'm not going to lie to you guys, nothing happened this week. It was a painfully boring episode of the Bachelorette Monday Night. The most exciting part of the show came from the preview of next week's Bachelorette. We'll have more on that later.
When we last left Ashey H., she was looking for love and still pretending like she didn't know Bentley was planted by the network to add fake drama. Chris Harrison gathered the remaining contestants together before the fun started this week to give them a quick lecture on their intentions. Chris said that Ashley wants to start over and he hopes everyone is serious about their intentions to date a stranger on T.V.
Chris doesn't want anyone to mess around, even though he was a part of the decision making process to bring in an actor wearing a mask and an actor pretending to be an evil Bachelorette contestant.
The men all solemnly agree to pretend like they love Ashley and we're ready for the fun. ABC is sending everyone to Phuket, Thailand. The guys jump up and High-Five each other as if they've heard of Phuket.
Phuket is in Thailand. Bean Bag Face says, “There’s no better place to start over than Thailand.” That sentence makes no sense.
There will be a pair of 1-on-1 dates and a group date. Ashley walks on the beach and sits in a boat to think so the camera can capture her sitting in a boat to think.
During the first commercial break, we see an 'all-you-can-eat' Seafood commercial right before an ABC promo for their new show on Extreme Weight loss.
Josh Groban gets the first 1-on-1 date. He says that he’s here to meet the girl of his dreams. It’s a good thing because Thailand is not just the perfect place to start over, it is also the perfect place to find the girl of your dreams. Thailand is also a great place for Thai food.
Rain cancels Ashley and Josh Groban's plans to go out on a boat, but these crazy kids aren’t going to let their date get spoiled by a little rain. They head into town to annoy the locals. Josh Groban decides to talk to a man minding his own business on a street corner. They grab an interpreter to translate. They ask him how long he's been married and what the secret to a long relationship might be. The Taiwanese man says that his secret is to never win a fight with his wife. What Taiwanese man doesn't know is that, you can win a fight when you're married; you just have to be prepared to spend the rest of the night apologizing for winning the fight.
Ashley H. and Josh Groban drink beer out of bottles covered by beer cozies because this particular Taiwanese beer isn’t a sponsor of the show and ABC doesn’t want people to run out and buy that brand of Taiwanese beer that Ashley H. drinks.
Josh Groban and Ashley eat and there is a lot of chewing. Groban gets a rose for talking non-stop. Ashley practically begs him to make out with her but Josh Groban doesn't make a move.
When the group date begins, I realize something. There are two Josh Grobans on the show. I had never noticed two Josh Grobans running around. These two guys look alike, and it might be hard for me to tell them apart for the rest of the season. I am hoping one of them is sent home.
Ashley takes the group of guys to paint on orphanage. ABC does this from time to time to make up for producing the worst show in television history. The guys spend a half an hour complaining about Ryan. Ryan is always happy and pushy. Guys who date girls who are also dating other guys hate when one of those guys is happy and pushy.
When they're done painting an orphanage, the group runs off to drink a ton of alcohol and complain about Ryan some more. Ashley makes out with four different guys in a 20 minute span. This woman is desperate. Every conversation leads to her asking these guys if they think she's pretty or if they'll ever leave her.
Ashley gives the other Josh Groban a rose. It is clear that she likes guys who look like Josh Groban.
The next day, Ashley heads off on a 1-on-1 date with Bean Bag Face. Bean Bag Face reveals that he has been to Phuket, Thailand a couple of times to climb mountains and take a cooking class. I'm not a woman and I don't know how they think but, I'm pretty sure that they dig guys who spontaneously fly to Phuket to climb mountains. Perhaps this is why I didn't have a date for my prom.
Bean Bag Face is super nice and always has something smart to say. He's like Buddha, assuming Buddha is super nice and has a face shaped like a Bean Bag. Ashley quickly falls in love with him and begs for some smooching, but Bean Bag Face doesn't make a move.
Bean Bag face gets a rose.
Next we have the Cocktail party. Ashley talks to a few of the guys to get a handle on whether or not they think she's attractive. Her heart-to-heart with the guy with a dead wife is creepy. She asks him if he's over his dead wife yet. In a million years, would you ask a guy with a dead wife if he was over his dead wife yet? Dead-wife guy has a little trouble answering the question. I'm assuming that is because people don't really ever completely get over their wife dying. Ashley still makes it clear through body language that she'd like to make out with Dead-wife guy.
Blake the Dentist pulls Ryan aside to tell him that no one likes him. I feel like America should pull this show aside.
Before the Rose Ceremony, Ashley has a talk with Chris Harrison. She tells Chris that she's in love with 11 of the 12 remaining men, and wants an extra rose to give away. Chris feels bad about the amount of actors they've added to this year's cast and allows the extra rose.
Only one man goes home this week. It's the guy with the dead wife. It's a good thing that Ashley yelled at him for still being in love with his dead wife. This way, he can feel even worse about himself on the limo drive to the airport.
The boring episode ends mercilessly and we are treated to the highlights of next week's show. Ashley is still pretending like she's in love with Bentley. ABC is leading you to believe that Bentley will return to the show next week. My wife was pretty angry.
They never show Bentley's face, they only tease that someone is coming back. My guess is that it's Brad Womack. That way, I would be tortured the most.
This recap was not very good. Coincidentally, either is the show.
Here is a link to last week's show if you want to catch up.
Stay in School.