(WGR 550) -- Honestly, ask yourself this question: What would you rather have -- the Key to the City or a dozen brand new hats and a free use of Buffalo's magical mass transit system?
The answer and more, as Nick Mendola hung out with the Bills rookies for part of their tour of Buffalo.
Stop No. 1 -- Naval Park at the Marina
Stop the presses and call the mayor, because he's going to want to offer me a well-paying PR job. Imagine this as you open to the travel section of People Magazine, and this gorgeous feature about the best naval parks in the world: Graphic designers: Please keep your applause at a minimum.
That's right. Bills rookie Eric Wood, he of the multiple naval park tours, said Buffalo's Naval Park is No. 1 on his list of the two all the naval parks he's visited.
Honestly, though, the kids seemed to enjoy the tour of the submarine, even if monster UFA offensive lineman Joel Bell was one of the many who had trouble squeezing through the doorways. He's a giant of a human being who looks an awful lot like wrestling's "The Big Show," according to some of his new teammates (It's true -- I looked up a picture when I got back here to the station). I really, really hope Bell is good at football because he is large and funny while bearing a startling resemblance to the Golic from "Saved By The Bell: The College Years" in the above photo (left). He's pictured on the right wearing his singlet at the NFL combine. Just kidding.
It was a successful trip, and the only smartass comment about it came from tight end Shawn Nelson, who was quickly rebuked by Aaron Maybin, who is going to be a locker room quote every week, for better or worse. Also two new guys worth rooting for -- former Florida State long snapper Garrison Sanborn and Colgate lineman Nick Hennessey. This is not just because Joe Buscaglia went to FSU and my sister just graduated from Toothpaste U. They were legitimate good dudes.
What happened next could only happen in the Queen City...
(Unplanned) Stop No. 2 -- The Downtown Rail Station
Good news, Bills fans -- the limo bus taking your rookies around town broke, so they got to experience something 85 percent of our area only uses before and after Sabres games: Buffalo Mass Transit!!!!!!! Celebrities! They're just like us!
I want to say that I played the role of good citizen here, and after suggesting that we walk to the next stop, I made sure to warn everyone that the rail is not indicitive of our city, just the people who run it. I also offered to give suggestions on good restaurants, bars and several other things.
I also want to say that it was extremely funny to me to sing "Magical Mystery Tour" in my head as we went 4 mph down Main Street and were passed by a dreadlocked-man with the word "Wizard" bedazzled on his pants.
Stop No. 3 -- New Era
Next up was a tour of New Era downtown, which was enjoyed by the players. Why? Well, because they each got 12 free hats of their alma maters. I also got a dozen -- cat calls about my Cubs hat, which is not flat-brimmed and was chewed by my dog. My dog is named Ernie Banks, so is it lying if I tell them Ernie Banks chewed my hat?
Maybin, for the record, thinks the Sabres new old logo is not very good, and purchased a "Slug" logo Sabres hat. Other chose Buffalo Braves, City of Buffalo or caps from their favorite hometown team. When asked, Maybin said he would wear a Terrell Owens hat before he wore a Trent Edwards hat because he likes to hurt quarterbacks. It was not at all contrived (sarcasm). Maybin eventually changed his mind and got that maroon Sabres cap behind him.
You'll remember that a few weeks back I noted that Maybin was by far the best athlete at minicamp. Well, here are some more notes:
A) He talks more than Robert Royal
2) He is built unlike other homosapiens
D) Robert Royal talked too much.
If time travel is possible, Maybin's personality may be Will Smith's character (Will Smith) from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." Now, 12.5 sacks and you can talk as much as you want, but he was the unquestioned vocal fella in the bunch. After they checked out and headed to the zoo, I got to go home (I go to the zoo all the time). They climbed into their limo bus with the free hats, and I walked a mile or two to the Naval Park with my chewed-up, reliable Northsiders cap.
Why do I have to put a title??? Great read is all I have to say.
05/19/2009 9:43PM
I'll Miss Robert Royal Too
I'll miss Robert Royal too. I'll miss is ill-timed holding and clipping. I'll miss his dropped passes at the first down markers. I'll miss his fumbles after an incredible 20 yard run after the catch. Yeah, I'll miss ALLLLL of that.
05/19/2009 10:00PM
smoke treezz
marshawn be smokin dat buddah. robert royal stinks.
05/20/2009 1:28AM
hurray!
Flat brim hats are the worst.
05/20/2009 8:40AM
Hot time in Nickel City!
Wow! A ride on the Metro? Are you trying to overwhelm the rooks? Seriously, who designed this tour? If any of these thought Buffalo was a dull town it was confirmed onthis tour!
05/20/2009 8:57AM
Home Alone
That's a fantastic Home Alone reference, Nick...as subtle as it may have been
05/20/2009 10:32AM
Hillarious!
Now thats what I'm talking about! Good sports related reporting with a hilarious twist. The article is a great way to give an out-of-towner some insight into the personalities of Buffalo sports celebrities (is celebrities the proper term?). Thank you for not taking for granted the fact that the city of Buffalo, although often self-loathing, actually is blessed (like Chicago) to have cool old school professional sports teams. Chris, in South Cackalack (the guy who took a million pounds of flack from folks who enjoy talking about Desperate Houseflies).
05/20/2009 11:35AM
Leave Robert Royal alone
So what if he couldn't catch a cold and treated the football like a slippery egg.
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