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It's the holidays. Time for tidings of joy and low, low prices and getting together with family members to look through old albums of pictures everyone's seen a million times because of Facebook. Ho, ho, ho.
I lived in Rochester when the Bills last made the playoffs. I'd drive home on Christmas and as crazy as it sounds now at some point my sisters' husbands and I would sit and talk about whether the Bills could win the Super Bowl that year.
And I don't drink egg nog.
Not only has all the hope and light been sucked out of talking Bills, it's gotten to be so freaking repetitive. Do we need a new coach? A new quarterback? A new GM? Then, at every gathering, someone says it: Nothing will change until the owner...
It seems like it, but has every December for 13 years really sounded just the same?
And I don't drink egg nog.
Not only has all the hope and light been sucked out of talking Bills, it's gotten to be so freaking repetitive. Do we need a new coach? A new quarterback? A new GM? Then, at every gathering, someone says it: Nothing will change until the owner...
It seems like it, but has every December for 13 years really sounded just the same?
If I'd written down what Bills talk sounded like at Christmas every year during this interminable era of mediocrity, this is some of what you'd read. A diary of the drought, if you will.
2000, Year 1: Thank goodness the Bills canned John Butler! Can you believe that Erik Flowers pick? What a bust! Finally now we can get a general manager that can bring us a title -- and maybe also a competent coach! And Wade, what in the name of George Halas is a "punt catcher"? WE NEED A NEW COACH!
2001: Whew. This rebuilding thing is tough to watch and all, but the Bills needed it. We've got some good young guys but we just don't have the quarterback. Rob Johnson? Alex Van Pelt? I wonder if New England can get suckered into trading Drew Bledsoe with this Brady kid looking so good. Nah.
2002: Fun season for a while. But that DEFENSE. Yikes. What are we, 27th in the league in points allowed? Forget Eddie Robinson (if you can), let's go sign Takeo Spikes from Cincy and draft a pass rusher and we should be good to go. Bledsoe's still got it, right? Three years without the playoffs, how will we manage?
2003: What happened?! We went from 27th to 5th in defense but 11th to 30th in offense? You've got to wonder if Gregg Williams has the chops to be a head coach. To end the season like that, losing 31-0 to New England after beating them by that score in the opener, it's almost like they were messing with us. Yeah, that won't last. And not for nothing but Ralph Wilson is getting pretty old. I think he's like 85. That's a problem.
2004: Finally good times are back. I know the Bills are only beating the league's crappiest teams but they are beating them badly. Looks like we've got a coach now in Mike Mularkey that really knows how to get the most out of his guys. Willis McGahee, London Fletcher, Spikes, Lawyer Milloy, Troy Vincent, Lee Evans, Bledsoe ... the Bills have a good mix of young and old and some pretty good star power. If this isn't the year then next year is for sure.
2004: Finally good times are back. I know the Bills are only beating the league's crappiest teams but they are beating them badly. Looks like we've got a coach now in Mike Mularkey that really knows how to get the most out of his guys. Willis McGahee, London Fletcher, Spikes, Lawyer Milloy, Troy Vincent, Lee Evans, Bledsoe ... the Bills have a good mix of young and old and some pretty good star power. If this isn't the year then next year is for sure.
2005: EVERYONE MUST GO! Tom Donahoe's had long enough to build a winner -- and plus, he's taking my signs away. This franchise has forgotten that its fans mean a lot, and the most important thing now is for the Bills to get back in touch with that fact. Wait, did I hear that Marv Levy wants back in? I heard him on Howard Simon every week and he often sounded like he didn't see their games. And isn't he 80 years old? Do we really want this?
2006: 7-9. Not good enough to win, not bad enough to clean up on a high draft pick. What are we drafting this year, eighth? You guys are going to think this is silly but since I've started playing in fantasy keeper leagues I've realized that the only things worth being in sports are the contenders or the rebuilders. Either give yourself a chance to win, or back up. Surely the Bills will learn this lesson soon and avoid more seasons like this.
2007: 7-9 again? That's not good. I just can't take any more of this. Can you believe that Dallas game? Who loses a game with a plus-5 turnover margin! Dick Jauron should have been canned the next morning. I don't know guys, you think Trent Edwards is good enough? I heard that Bill Walsh liked him so that's something. And you know what I'd like to see the Bills do? Give Fred Jackson the ball more. 5.2 yards per carry was it? Way better than Marshawn Lynch.
2008: 7-9 again?! Even a 4-0 start and an easy schedule isn't enough to rescue these guys. Goodness, Tom Brady misses the whole season and the Pats still sweep us. Pretty depressing. The owner is 90!!! I guess the question now is whether we want to keep Jauron/Edwards in the name of continuity, or start over. At least Marv is heading back to retirement so now I imagine the new GM will, like, be on top of the league.
2009: This team is killing us. We replaced Levy with Russ Brandon? On purpose? He's the only guy other than Wilson that's been here throughout all this mess. And what happened to Edwards? Maybe that hit in Arizona ruined him. With this team it's always something. Hey I know we don't deserve nice things in Buffalo or anything but do you guys think there's any chance the Bills can hire a real general manager?
2010: After an "exhaustive search" for a GM the Bills hired a scout that had already been in their woeful operation. Figures. And the season? Well, 0-8 then 4-4. Finally we had a shot at "winning" something -- a top draft pick -- and we blew that too. It's always something. Well at least with Dareus we'll be impossible to run on for a few years. Chan Gailey goes all preseason and two regular-season games with Edwards, then releases him? Holy dysfunction. I'm telling you, we still need to bottom out.
2011: Do you guys remember how we used to get together at Christmas and talk about the Super Bowl? When was that? What's left for the Bills to try? They've made all these moves through the years and gotten nowhere; you know one they haven't made? Landing the best free agent on the market. Maybe that's what they need, some miracle like that. They have NO pass rush.
2012: Mario Williams fell from the sky and still, 5-8, same as it ever was.
As many times as it's happened before, we're 13 years into Nowheresville and they're somehow, amazingly, still inadequate at coach and quarterback and I suppose also GM. It must seem to fans of other teams that changing coaches and quarterbacks is all the Bills ever do. Yet here we are, most of us hoping they do all that again.
2008: 7-9 again?! Even a 4-0 start and an easy schedule isn't enough to rescue these guys. Goodness, Tom Brady misses the whole season and the Pats still sweep us. Pretty depressing. The owner is 90!!! I guess the question now is whether we want to keep Jauron/Edwards in the name of continuity, or start over. At least Marv is heading back to retirement so now I imagine the new GM will, like, be on top of the league.
2009: This team is killing us. We replaced Levy with Russ Brandon? On purpose? He's the only guy other than Wilson that's been here throughout all this mess. And what happened to Edwards? Maybe that hit in Arizona ruined him. With this team it's always something. Hey I know we don't deserve nice things in Buffalo or anything but do you guys think there's any chance the Bills can hire a real general manager?
2010: After an "exhaustive search" for a GM the Bills hired a scout that had already been in their woeful operation. Figures. And the season? Well, 0-8 then 4-4. Finally we had a shot at "winning" something -- a top draft pick -- and we blew that too. It's always something. Well at least with Dareus we'll be impossible to run on for a few years. Chan Gailey goes all preseason and two regular-season games with Edwards, then releases him? Holy dysfunction. I'm telling you, we still need to bottom out.
2011: Do you guys remember how we used to get together at Christmas and talk about the Super Bowl? When was that? What's left for the Bills to try? They've made all these moves through the years and gotten nowhere; you know one they haven't made? Landing the best free agent on the market. Maybe that's what they need, some miracle like that. They have NO pass rush.
2012: Mario Williams fell from the sky and still, 5-8, same as it ever was.
As many times as it's happened before, we're 13 years into Nowheresville and they're somehow, amazingly, still inadequate at coach and quarterback and I suppose also GM. It must seem to fans of other teams that changing coaches and quarterbacks is all the Bills ever do. Yet here we are, most of us hoping they do all that again.
This all started with thinking John Butler needed to be replaced. And that's without the egg nog.