Things have never looked brighter for my home city, with upcoming waterfront development, the tearing down of the Aud, and the drastic reconstruction of Route 5. Let's stop for a minute and just imagine what the Buffalo of the future might look like, assuming we were to replace the Skyway, open up waterfront access, and even build that Bass Pro store!
As you come into the city along Route 5, you notice that the road has been changed from an elevated highway to a glorious 4 lane, ground-level boulevard. This allows you a better chance to take in the city's skyline. You peer through the holes in the rotting, abandoned Cargill mill to take in some of downtown's many attractions, most of which are also abandoned, decrepit grain mills, but also includes such sights as the building frame of the still-not-completed downtown casino, and the spooky, abandoned train station that lords over the East Side like the tower of Isengard, only more menacing.
Of course, making the area more accessible to people also makes it more accessible to animals, and it isn't long before a deer runs over from Tifft Farm and gets hit by a car, causing traffic to back up. While you wait for the accident to clear, the Buffalo Police show up. As part of their latest "ticket blitz" (in protest of their most recent dispute with City Hall), they begin issuing parking tickets to all the cars stuck in gridlock. You begin to explain that your car isn't really parked, just stopped in traffic, but think better of it as the officer reaches for his taser. While you wait for the cop to finish writing the ticket, the running back for the Toronto football team (in town to promote the two regular season games the team will be playing at Ralph Wilson Memorial Stadium later that year) walks up and steals your hubcaps.
You decide to turn on the local sports radio station to see if there are any other reports of marauding Toronto players committing crimes, only to learn that Thomas Vanek and Ryan Miller, both of whose contracts were strategically timed to expire in the same off-season, have just signed with the Hamilton Tigercats and Carolina Hurricanes, respectively. Miller admits that he had wanted to re-sign with the Sabres, but says that GM Darcy Regier was too busy playing Mafia Wars to sit down and have a contract negotiation. When reached for comment, Sabres owner Tom Golisano expressed support for Regier and Head Coach Lindy Ruff by saying "Holy crap, I still own a hockey team? I thought I sold it at the garage sale when I moved to Florida. Well, that's cool, I guess." Later in the day, Team President Larry Quinn will announce contract extensions for Maxim Afinogenov and 45 year old cyborg defenseman Teppo Numminen, whom they hope will be the foundation for getting the team back into the playoffs.
E-Mail
Print
