Greg Bauch is a jerk. Wait, maybe I should elaborate a little.
Two years ago as a young, innocent, bright eyed rookie contestant, I felt a certain affinity to the producer of the Mike Schopp and the Bulldog show. He was the first of the “real” on-air celebrities I had met; yet, he possessed none of the aloofness of the other personalities.
Waiting for our turn on the air, as the whimsical afternoon duo chattered incessantly about Lindsey Lohan and other such nonsense, Greg and I shared quips and jabs while watching a lacrosse game. The other contestant frequently butted in, drawing disdainful looks from Bauch and me.
Nerves shook me and my fellow contestant to the core, but Greg was steadfast in his assurances, as Schopp and the Bulldog made fun of my last name. “Just relax,” he counseled, “You guys will be fine.” I rode these words into the final along with the slow motion thumbs up he gave me as I turned back.
I thought I had made a life-long connection, a true buddy whom would be the Big Black to my Rob Dyrdek. I was so wrong.
Two weeks later, my spirits were high as I strolled into the building for my hour long show. Schopp and the Bulldog were out on location, so I sat in the studio, intently scribbling show ideas as Greg ran the switchboard.
“Light bulb,” I beamed to myself, “What if Les Stroud of “Survivorman” ran into a horde of zombies?” I decided to run the idea by Greg.
“I don’t have cable,” was his response.
I was crushed. My mentor, my idol had just shut me down. I blame my subsequent loss on him.
There are a few ways I can analyze what he said. First, and the most unlikely, Greg was extremely busy and did not have time for idle chit chat. I wish to give this no credence as his idea of “producing” that day was sleeping with his eyes open.
Second, perhaps he really doesn’t have cable. But who doesn’t have cable these days?! Greg is neither a hobo nor an intellectual; therefore, he has always had cable.
Third, and most likely, Greg Bauch thought he was better than me. Don’t be fooled Buffalo. That cute, cuddly comedian act that Greg pulls off on the air is a lie. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember this verbal disappointment as he hurled it down from his cloud. Yet, I will wear the event as a stain on my heart forever.
For these reasons and more, Greg Bauch will always be a jerk to me.
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